Did I mention those two dates that were unspectacular but promising? Well those two guys both blew me off. I'm not spiraling into a pit of depression but I am thinking unhappy thoughts. I'm thinking about those two guys and all of the cute ones who never responded to my messages and I'm trying to construct a narrative that fits.
Do I overestimate my own attractiveness? Am I going for people who are out of my league in a misguided belief in my own cuteness? I don't feel like any of these guys know me well enough to judge my personality. Or is it my personality? Is there some flaw that is so obvious that it can be perceived in the course of one meal or one email? Should I be reevaluating my "rejected" pile and lowering my standards?
It makes me hate the whole project of dating. I don't want to feel like this: a little crazy, a little desperate. I want calm and gratitude. I want to have plans for tomorrow night dammit!
I'm so grateful for my friends, for filling my days and making me feel worthy of love. I'm super glad for Mr. X too, who got to know me a bit better than those two flakes and gave me the all-clear to seduce him. Though now I am convinced he's going to back out of our Saturday plans at the last minute. In the meantime, Miho didn't flake on me and I'm going to get to hang out with her today. Yea! I expect that will be a good morale boost, hopefully I won't be so consumed with things me-related.
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